An Old Chapter

I've always lived my life judging myself through the filter of others, my brother before he passed, my parents, my grandmother, my sister, my most intimate friends. Never have I done so to evaluate my life from a more righteous manner than I did when wondering just what the fuck I've done with my life since my first girlfriend dumped me over the phone from the other side of the country. All those standards I've tried to live up to seem to vanish when I think of how I've lived my life in relation to what we had. In other words, it seems like I just wasted a shit amount of my short life.

I've never felt more elated contentment than those last two weeks at a boarding school summer session during which I learned just how heavenly it feels to hold something that makes you feel like you're the luckiest sob in the world. There was my first hand to hold, my first kiss, my first omg I think I'm in love I can't stop thinking about her jesus h. christ help me god. I've always been meaning to get a hold of her somehow but for some reason today thinking about what boarding schools to send my nonexistent children I googled her name. I had a few times before but found nothing. This time however, I found a picture. It was from a science department research website in 2002 and I knew right away it was her, and it took me there. It was like a blocked valve had opened in my heart and blood began rushing through all sorts of channels. It would have been too easy to find a number of email address. I'm not sure how far to pursue this, I don't want to use her as my last resort for a sense of humanness the further I plunge into adulthood, but I do, desperately, want to see her again.

A little reward

I just took my first exam of my medical school career and felt like rewarding myself. I can't really go internet shopping for a reasonable price since I'm not in the states, but here are few things I've been desiring for a while.

I wear these at the moment, Sheldrake by Oliver Peoples.

They're a bit bulky, so I was thinking perhaps the Shurons below would be more comfortable. I contacted them and since they don't have a great distribution network, I'll have to order several at a time to find the right fit. It seems like a hassle but these are looking quite delectable.

 

Style isn't the first thing on my mind here, especially with all the information they throw at us on a daily basis, but it makes me feel a bit of home. I'm desiring quite a bit more but it'll have to wait. Anatomy lab at 7:45 AM!

Inertia

I've been planning on how I should start this new blog, as you can see for the past year or so. I didn't want it to be a private pissing ground but more for idiosyncratic humor and the occasional ruminations. It will be random, but hopefully casually enjoyable. Here are a few questions and answers about me:

Who am I?
I'm a 29 year old first year med student.

Why am I writing here?
Since I am just in my first term of my first year of med school, my motive behind the blog is to keep me sane and to celebrate the amazing in the everyday.

Where am I?
At the moment I'm in a Caribbean medical school, on the beautiful island of Grenada.

Thanksgiving

Imagining all that I could possibly be thankful for I can really think of a few aspects of my life that I truly cherish.

1.) Family
Even with all the love, pain, joy, anger, gratitude, resentment that comes from my relationship with my parents and sibling, it is what it is, and in the end, there is love.

2.) Friends
A few close friends, people to grow with, vent with, enjoy the shit out of life with, it's those few people that take my life to a new heights.

3.) Me
I am so thankful to myself, for all the idiot things I've done, and the lessons learned that have hopefully made me a better person.

In the end, it's never as bad as it seems, and yes things can get worse, but hey, they can get better as well. Here's to life, cheers.